Philosopher's Song
by Monty Python

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant
Who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could think you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Whilhelm Friedrich Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlagel

There's nothin' Nieizsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently p***ed

John Stuart Mill of his own free will
After half a pint o' shandy became particularly ill
Plato they say, could stick it away
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
`I drink therefore I am'

But Socrates himself is particularly missed
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's p***ed